Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I'm Cool. No, really.

Last night, having done something I thought was 'cool' I started to spout my usual "Cause your mama's cool" at my little one. Instead I stopped and said "Is your mama cool?"

He smiled and said "No. Pretty."
Ugh. Out of the mouths of babes. But seriously, at 6 shouldn't he still think I'm both?

This morning I asked the question again. He laughed and said "You heard."

I tend to think that I'm more cool than pretty. I'm not putting myself down on appearance. I take care of myself (mostly) and do put some effort into my appearance.
I know it's mostly in my head, but I feel more powerful with eyeliner on and I can't concentrate without lip gloss generously applied.
I got some nice cheekbones from the Cherokees and a sweet look from my mother. I have more than anyone would ever want in boobs.

But I think I'm realllly cool. Like I'm really impressed with my own taste and stuff.

A fine example of me thinking I'm being cool.

Evidence to the contrary: Whenever I pick up a book at the used book store to read and find it interesting it usually ends up on the dollar clearance shelf. I am sort of getting a complex about my taste in books. 

One particular story always pops into my head when I am confronted with my cool vs pretty levels, which I obviously have no clear grasp of.

Years ago, when I was hanging out a lot with this girl with issues, even more issues than I had at the time (a feet in and of itself), she was freaking out on me about something and the conversation took this (out of context) turn:
"When we meet guys together 95% of them are attracted to you and 40% of them are attracted to me. Once they talk to us for a while 50% of them are attracted to you and 70% of them are attracted to me. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?!"

I'm sure that her point was something about how difficult it is to have friends who always wore clean clothes and took the time to put on a bra. Or something like that.
Her side of that issue was kind of lost on me as my first bit of awareness that I was actually losing 45% of men by talking to them.
Not that I need 95% of men to be attracted to me. That's not the point. The point is I lost them. They started out that way, then I lost them by talking?

Anyway, I was really hoping that I would have this kid on my side a while longer.
I'm going to start pointing out more often all the ways I am cool. And he, who is already much cooler than me, will just laugh at me. And maybe tell me I'm pretty.

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