Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The conditions of Unconditional Love
I'm tired of seeing the memes about love being something you give, without expectation - That if you expect something back, it's not love.
I call bullshit.
You can't continue to love without expectations. At least not if you respect yourself. Not if you are healthy. To give love, you need to receive it, in whatever form it is in.
The best explanation of this I heard in the bathroom at a club. A girl was screaming at her man into a cell phone. They were back and forth a while when she over-road whatever he was saying with this:
"UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?!?!?! UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?!?!? DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE MUTHERFUCKER. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IT WHAT A MAMA HAS FOR HER BABIES, NOT WHAT A WOMAN HAS FOR A MAN, NOW YOU BETTER STOP SCREWING AROUND..."
Maybe I'm wrong, and love really is just this free thing that the hippies like to act like they give; but even they fail remarkably. It gives them something to say when they are in altered states, or reason to get all over each other, but the likelihood that they mean it when they bequeath on you this free love? It's not stronger than the likelihood that anyone else will stand by that statement. I can't tell you the exact number of the unconditional love crew that have stabbed each other in the back, but it's exactly the same number as in any other group of people.
I give love to my friends; that love is not unconditional. I've let go of many a friend who has taken and taken when they needed it and not given back when I needed. Sometimes I've let them go more than once. I've stopped loving friends who have stolen from me, treated me poorly or abusively, used me. It's part of being a healthy individual. There are conditions to love, and a huge one should be Not Taking Advantage of That Love.
In the other love, the love we most often think of when meme'ing all over the place, romantic love, we all should require something back. Respect. Kindness. Maybe even... Reciprocation.
I know several people in beautiful loving relationships. People who would never leave each other in hard times. People who will take care of each other the rest of their lives. That isn't unconditional love. It's true love, it's mutual love. It is not unconditional love.
On a related topic, Rihannah broke up with Chris Brown. Again.
Maybe the only truely unconditional love is that given to a child. I think that drunk girl screaming into her cell phone may have nailed it.
-Because the only one going to hit me ever, scream when I don't give in, make me late for work because of not being responsible, expect me to make all of the meals, never take me anywhere or ask what I want to do, not help me with my problems when I need help while expecting help for their own, person that I'm going to love- unconditionally - is a little one.
And when mine grows up I hope he gives kindness to the world, but his 'unconditional love' to the only ones who give it back.